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I think that one of the stronger aspects of your writing is the writin gof emotional pieces, this one struck me in paticular. No, Erabus. You don’t know. I just ...

Like the others said, spaces between paragraphs is a must. It makes thing smuch easier to read and makes critiqing a lot easier as it is easier to see what ...

This seems to be more telling than showing, but I suppose that could be let off in a prologue. However, for the later chapters you will have to employ a ...

The Bearer of the Elder wand Turbulent thoughts ran through Dumbledore’s head as he strode quickly through the corridors of black marble, but he didn’t let them take him over; ...

“You can’t be serious Bell,” straightening up,” Why risk revealing the Shadowmeres’ whereabouts on just one girl?” I think something is missing at 'straightening up'. If not, it sounds ver

For me it is none other than Merilinus Athlasar himself (your lot may know him as Merlin) ~ Elayna. How about...me?~ Seth Ever taken drugs?

Hi, sokool. Kitty's pretty much picked out the typos but I will very gladly second what she has said in that this is a good chapter. I keep trying to ...

I know this chapter is pretty shaky and I'm working on re-writes having discovered 'the snowflake technique' and other useful planning techniques. Eleanor is a very modern name actually, but ...

Excuse me, Mr crucifix. But prologues tend to be a touch shadier then actual chapters. There are reasons you can't just transport to the big bad boss' HQ seeing as ...

Do you hear noises that aren't really there.*winks knowingly* ~ Elayna If Elayna speaks I hear her but I try to pretend she isn't there. Does that count? ~ Seth ...

“Oooo, room 23 A,” To me ummm... would sound better, but whatever rocks your boat. :D Pikara’s white blouse and beret lay flat by her feet. Hidden beneath the clothing ...

I was thinking of writing my story in 1st person for the main character's POV and when it switchs to someone else, writing it in third person. A bit likt ...

When I ditched my story, I found that I loved the characters but not the world they were in. So I kept them but used a different plot and a ...

Ooooo... :shock: Not read any? Well, I can't really understand the encouraging witchcraft and evil thing, but if you're not allowed to read it, it's cool. There are other very ...

Popping in to say something before this cursed library computer logs me off. The snowflakes around her even seemed to swirl in an especially violent way, angry that something had ...