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Re: Forever comes too soon
The story was "ok." Things went too fast though. You need to explain the couples relationship further. Also I think it would be ironic if the male character died. Due ...
Apr 25, 2008 -
Re: A lover, A mother, A child
Hmm i'll try to use both of your suggestions I won't be able to get working on this till later in the week. As I have someone coming to buy ...
Apr 20, 2008 -
Re: Cut Locks (chapter 0 - Genesis)
I didn't find anything to critique :shock: . One word though " more" :elephant:
Apr 18, 2008 -
Re: A lover, A mother, A child
Any ideas how I could better make them seem beleivable?
Apr 18, 2008 -
Re: Cheater (or Confrontation)
Nice story. Although the cursing fits into the story I think you over did it with the repetition. Maybe changing up the B * * * * to some other ...
Apr 16, 2008 -
Re: Cold Promise (fourth and final installment)
‘Whaz tha mum?’ she groaned. What's that mom K Mum. ‘ tever you say,’ Whatever You should use “ quotations not ‘ and separate the conversations from the other writing. ...
Apr 16, 2008 -
Re: A lover, A mother, A child
the point of the contest it that u have 10 minutes 2 live
Apr 15, 2008 -
Re: Metallic Crystal Alliance ( The final chapters)
VIII Sophitia was still coughing up blood when the man carried her to the cage. At this rate she would slowly bleed to death. The man threw her in and ...
Apr 14, 2008 -
Re: A lover, A mother, A child
Thanks for the critique. I'll see if I can add more to the seaworld part. Actually I don't think I would do that with a child as Amelia did. But ...
Apr 13, 2008 -
Re: A lover, A mother, A child
I know it's very short, but I'm graduating soon and didn't have time to write anything longer. P.S. The thing that everyone within the story has in common is that ...
Apr 13, 2008 -
Re: Cold Promise (part two)
I knew it! I knew Adrian was in a cult. There had to be a reason why he would just dump her. Looking forward to the next chapter.
Apr 11, 2008 -
Re: Bad Girls Need Love Too
Wow that's really harsh.. If that happened to my child I would help her gret threw it not ignor her. This is very well deatailed and I commend you for ...
Apr 11, 2008 -
Re: Bad Girls Need Love Too
Wow very good writing skills. I despise rapists :evil: My friend went threw that when she was 10...... :( Looking forward to the next chapter
Apr 10, 2008 -
Re: Azaleas for Susie
One word Beautiful. This story sent a shiverd own my spine , literally, when the car hit them. See you never know how much something really means to you untill ...
Apr 9, 2008 -
Re: vampyre leagacy chapter two
Already getting sucked into this story. I live for a good vampire or werewolf novel :) I like the part where Rath stands uop for his girl.
Apr 9, 2008