Fael57

It is a bit wordy, but the message gets through. It is a great comparison.

This looks great! It deserves at least 4 stars.

It's all in the store, long gone from the fields Most of this stuff isn't even real! Once, it was fresh kissed by the sun Then it was processed, packed ...

Was "lose" supposed to be "loose"? If so, here's how to spell it.

It's kind of short, but I get the point of what you are trying to say.

It's kind of short, but I get the point of what you are trying to say.

I agree with Royboy that the first part wasn't needed. Also, I think that maybe you shouldn't go that deep into the story in just the first chapter. I mean, ...

Scrael walked into the top room of the tower of Zaod. "The plan is complete and all is ready, Master," he said. "Very good Scrael," the master said. "You are ...

On his first day at work, Jonny Celtric, age 25, walked into his boss's office. She was supposed to give him his first assignment, but as Jonny staggered to her ...

I agree with the others, but I think you should try not to space out your paragraphs. :wink: Fael57 :D

On his first day at work, Jonny Celtric, age 25, spilled coffee on his boss. Angrily, she sent him to box shipment, the worst job there, where he packed boxes ...

"The artist doesn't see things as they are, but as he is." I don't know who wrote this, but it's inexplicably true. Fael57

Okay. Question, am I the only sane person here? Fael57

To those of you who asked, I'll write just about anything from poetry to fiction. Depends on my ideas, thoughts, or feelings at the current time that I post something. ...

I think it's pretty good...could end up in a book someday. Who knows! Fael57