FadingBrighter

First off, great plot! But you need a little help on the writing part. your story was very choppy, and it was hard for me to keep up. [quote="paperbackheart"]Chapter One ...

To all of you who like my writing but think i am lacking in plot: you are quite right. Therefore, you should read my novel, Demon of the sea, and ...

Tada! the much awaited fifth chapter! Bring out the marching band! Just kidding. The truth is, i started the story from the beginning. I have no idea where it's going ...

[u]Chapter 5 Valarie froze, her entire body growing ice cold No, it can’t be. He doesn’t… he can’t possibly… Her eyes slowly moved over him, taking it all in: his ...

" he pleaded in desperation, a hopeless plea useless to the merciless ones as they snatched a squirmy child from his arms." -Do not, under any circumstances use the same ...

A little violent? Ah well, it was a good story. And I liked your character, though im worried. Is she your bad side, cuz if so, I need to stay ...

it was an interesting story, but there is such a thing as being too playful. When writing a novel with a joking air you are balancing on a knifes edge, ...

Just posting this to all who have followed my story: I have only typed chapter four up today, so if you see an mistakes in the plot, tell me! Also, ...

Chapter 4 Valarie stepped out of her room, closing her door behind her. She’d taken a little longer than she’d hoped, but she’d had to deal with her hair, which ...

Your story sounds very interesting, i love the whole warrior thing and the fact that it's from the point of view of a boy. Here are some things I had ...

I love your plot. It's not often you get a story that isn't dripping with the supernatural. Though I notice that you have a problem with commas, yes, commas. Do ...

Truthfully, I didn't feel an emotion in these piece. I knew you were trying, But i just didn't feel any emotion towards either of the characters. Wether this is because ...

Your story is very short and sweet, but you kind of flash through it, without giving the reader a chance tho really settle in and get absorbed. When Maria was ...

I like the concept of your story. I especially like your main charecter who reminds me so much of the main charecter in Undrworld (as well as the begining scene). ...

Chapter 3 The TV was still on when Valarie woke, and she sleepily stood and turned it off. Taylor was still sleeping; they both had dozed off halfway through The ...