FLyerS

Nice rework! I still like Sluttish better than sordid, but this version is much easier more fluid. one nitpick: Perhaps loitered at, but not a big deal... Unless it was ...

hey Mean, Nice name by the way, after the Beatles song? I don't like the first line. Something about it feels off...? I LOVE the second line! Sparkle of brilliance ...

All done, anyone else?

Um, I read the first chapter... wtf? very odd. Perhaps some more explaining to do? I'm confused. This chapter, however was more normal. Good thing. When telling a story about ...

Hey, Can you review this please?

Hey, could you please review this for me? It's written in Iambic Pentameter. Thanks.

If you want to hear the truth about how good your writing is, ask me. I will be as ruthless as necessary. Obviously, it will be constructive criticism, but it ...

Two pairs of eyes traverse a room, and look for one another's face. Though they don't know who either is, and judge each other by the book, they know the ...

Feel free to tear it apart in any way. I wrote this last year. Feel free to tear apart anything I write. I like it. It helps me improve.

Perhaps the chords should go with it. A lot of songs sound weird when you can't hear the music. Also, in songs try for more cleverness and wit. That's the ...

I like your use of alliteration! Nicely sexual pop-can! This is a dirty little poem, isn't it. I like it. So simple, so understated. Although the use of the word ...

Hey, FLyerS again. You need to work on your suspense. Make there be a little frustration in the majic. Audiences like characters because of their strengths. Audiences love characters for ...

Once again dear, the devil's in the details. Have the newly entered character describe this "War" more. (By the way, this is not a detail, it's a majorly important plot ...

This is beginning to sound like twilight! watch that! Over all though, this was pretty good. You need to go over it a couple more times though. Obsess a bit. ...

Wow, that was corny. It takes finesse to handle love at first sight. This did not show finesse. In your first chapter, you showed signs of being able to handle ...