Evangelina

I think it was very dry, very staccato. Don't be afraid to let loose, just speak from the heart. The lines here seem a bit forced, as if you are ...

L2 of S2 is a bit confusing. I'm also not sure S1 ties into the end. However, the last line is a superb finish! I feel so...satisfied... I love this ...

Anthony Durham, sorry for the delay.

I love Maupassant

Oh wow, gadi. The very first line is mind-blowing. Lovely, really. I ADORE your beginning. Paragraph three was a bit confusing, perhaps you could be a little more clear on ...

Hmmm. Oh this is good, this is very good. The dialogue could be worked on, perhaps add description. You have very few errors, so I won't be nitpicky. EDIT: Clau, ...

Hahaha author. You are awesome.

Hmm. Being part German myself--well, the name at least ;)--I was looking forward to this. I think it's wayy to short to get your full meaning out.

Kits right, can we move it 'till 2010 or something? Lol.

Oooh. I want to write this into a novel...

If you need to work on anything, I'd start with S2, the rhyming seems rather bland.

Man oh man, you need to work on dialogue.

ooh nice one, Clau!

Thank you so much, Clau!

she calls me beautiful With quivering lips and trembling thighs, and all dressed up in high heels with the stench of hot sherry, --a lingering taste of metal and sugar, ...