EmiAnne

This sounds like a really, really good start to a story. I hope you get the next part up soon so I'm not in suspense for forever! First: I like ...

“Are you sure this is what you want to spend your money on, Rebecca?” The girl’s mother asked, looking at the girl with stern eyes. “I won’t give you any ...

This is a really good start! Some of your wordings need help, though: In teh second paragraph, she says that she is "forgetting her own disability" when "She opened her ...

the pact by jodi picoult. That book has so much emotion throughout it and I go back and read it quite often to see the ways that she wrote that ...

I like it... =] Firefly is under appreciated.

Hellos! Thank you for commenting everybody... The formatting is weird (no quotes, 3rd person) because this was a part of my NaNo, with a character telling a story. I am ...

A small girl in blue sat all alone on the playground at recess. She watched all the other children silently as they played. She calculated their motions, imagining the parabola ...

You've got so much emotion in both parts- and they;re both so good! The only thing i can say is that when they all see the ambulance going by and ...

Really good and fun to read. I love love love your plot twist, but it was pretty confusing to read, even after reading the explanation. You could make all the ...

The girl was sitting- her knees pulled up to her chest, arms wrapped around her legs. Her head slightly tilted forward, a metal thing covered her mouth and nose while ...

Hiya! I'm guessing this is not set in America. I love your names though. Maybe you set the setting up a little more though? It seems sort of strange. Khushi ...

Well, that was sort of random. It comes together eveentually, but until the end and until I've read it a few times I do not understand it. :arrow: nice that ...

I like this a whole bunch. You have heart- wrenching little things that almost everyone struggles with, but makes them bigger and makes you pity him. Or her. Whichever it ...

I agree- your story was moving quicker then I could keep u p with. Maybe start the story slower. Like, maybe set up her and her husband in a happy ...

Very, very pretty. You have excellent description but not too much, like jemjive said, so it leaves me some room to think up myself. The first stanza is wonderful and ...