Elocina

Fire, I don't think that AOA was joking. I agree with her. The biggest problem would be finding the right one. A lot of good books had been turned down ...

A Pristitch. Pronounced Pri-Stitch. Basically, it is a demented alligator/crocodile who has very good running legs and an incurable hunger. My main character has to face them in coming chapters. ...

You don't neccessarily need a new paragraph for each person. I've seen where two people are talking back and forth in the same paragraph. It was only a few comment-reply, ...

Winter, I'd like you to check out my post when you've got the time. Its 'Chapter 1 of the Regicide'. One of the things we have to bear in mind ...

Yeah, humans can be very stubborn. (I must be among the most stubborn of them all.) Seeing how werewisps are your creation, it would explain why I haven't heard of ...

I mean, if Eclo was a real person. I think of characters that way. The interesting ones who are kind and cheerful. Looking back on the message, I see reason ...

In that 4th paragraph, where everyone's talking and moving n stuff, I got a bit lost at a glance as to who's saying what. :( Can you break that up ...

Sure, I get it. Eclo is a Chinese werewhisp. :lol: Kiddin. :) I know what you mean. So my instincts were right about Eclo. He's exactly the character I'd like ...

I was wondering if 'grey' meant 'gray' to us weird folks. It does. I'll add that to my list. 1) civilised, civilized 2) grey, gray I use gray quite a ...

I made the changes you suggested. They sounded good to me. Anyone else have something to add? :?:

After reading the whole thing, I must wonder why someone who might've been the first to see the prisoner at the scene of the crime would help him. The answer ...

You sure did. Two of those were typos, and now I know they're there. you pointed out a couple interesting ways to rephrase stuff. (This is exactly why I joined) ...

You getting all that? Between AOA and me, you're getting quite the earful on stuff to change. At least we aren't tearing it to shreds... I'm going to go off ...

:lol: Even if I did get on your nerves, you don't know where I live! :twisted: .... :? .... ......... right?

OK, time for a bit of my inexperienced critiquing. Chapter 3: The first two paragraphs can stand for a brush-up. Captain Corda wasn’t happy. Which wasn’t a good thing, because ...