Eliza:)

This building is surrounded, you have no chance. The comma after surrounded needs to be either a period or a semicolon. I know by exterminating it, the world will be ...

When she looked at me with bloodshot eyes, and opened her mouth to mutter words that only she could hear I knew I’d lost her. There should be a comma ...

There were no other kids at this place, there were only tall, scary adults. This is a run-on sentence. To fix it, the comma after place needs to either be ...

Throughout the story, you are changing verb tenses. It changes from past to present multiple times. The air in Easton always held a grey ambience of dull haze. A constant ...

"That's not possible, dude," said I . Said I sounds strange. You may want to change it to I said . "She has been dead for a month now. " ...

“Oh my god. “ The space between the period and the quotation mark needs to be deleted. “I laugh young Myria. There should be a comma after laugh. But in ...

This prologue is too short and has too much information to fit into one hundred words. This could easily be turned into a full-sized chapter. The problem is that you ...

I wasn't exactly sure if I should be excited or scared or even confused, for that matter. There should be commas after excited and scared . My heart pounded fiercely ...

This meadow we were in was a small place on the top of a very large hill overlooking the entire town. The very in this sentence doesn't need to be ...

When the queen and king of Eriot, after fourteen years of being married, bore their first child at the ages of thirty-nine and forty-two, the entire kingdom rejoiced that their ...

I remember quite well how humans from across the galaxies shuttled down in as many species of inter-galactic craft as there were passengers. I remember thinking about how important this ...

He was the dinosaur equivalent of the homeless guy muttering to himself at the dollar store, but in 65 million years, he would become a celebrated fossil, the symbol of ...

One thing I don't understand is how Kate could build the time machine. At the beginning, she seemed clueless: I didn't care that I couldn't understand what he was telling ...

Before, I would have immediately started saying how it was okay, because you were still you, just somewhere else, in a far off world or something. This is a run-on ...

It seeped out, dripping onto her skin everytime she said something wrong. Everytime should be two words: every time. He stopped seeing her after a while and began seeing all ...