ElementalBlood

Chapter 5: God of War Raiden didn’t move. Hell, he hardly even breathed. One twitch in the wrong direction would be all it took to sever his jugular. His life ...

Chapter 4: Fanning the Flames The boy sat next to Amaterasu without so much as a word. Whispers were exchanged between friends as they furtively glanced at their new classmate. ...

Chapter 3: Before the Storm A fist to the stomach sent him backwards. “Ow,” Raiden managed to cough out before offering his breakfast to the concrete. Duskin wasn’t in much ...

Gah O_O I did the same thing when I first started posting, leave a full space between every new paragraph. It's cramped and difficult to read otherwise. Too much speech ...

I was laughing by the end of it. XD Though it was a little...iffy? You were over-describing everything. Description is good, so we know what things look like, where they ...

Chapter 1: Descending from Heaven Words far from grasped the majesty of the pure white light streaming from a small hole in the black clouds overhead. Rain poured around it ...

Chapter 4 Location: Mizukage’s Office Alister returned to his village quickly. When he entered his office, he spotted stacks of paperwork on his desk that had piled up in the ...

The march was unlike anything Bártak had ever experienced in his life. It would take three long days to reach the gates of the great city of Dragonhead, and the ...

Most of what I would have picked on you for has already been pointed out. The sudden rebellion, not likely. It would be best if you started with Coren showing ...

I would say that this is an "OK" start. Your descriptions of Jerime's sister Selena were amusing but it wasn't much of an attention-grabber. It seemed exceptionally mundane and ordinary, ...

Chapter 3 Location: Leaf Village Lake Fear shot through Rein’s eyes. "I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING! WHY WON'T YOU PEOPLE JUST LEAVE ME ALONE?" she screamed. She turned and began to ...

...I just realized when I was skimming over this again, that chant Keaira's mother uses? Nice! Is it, "Bring me the water to see how I spy?" I can't believe ...

Chapter 2 Location: Mizukage’s Office Not long after, the Anbu returned with a progress report. “Milord, we have been led to believe the so called killer is in the Hidden ...

I thought I'd read along a bit to figure out what was going on before I commented. Especially because of chapter 2. It was really confusing until now. I guess ...

First post again! I'm never this lucky. Though I originally bugged you about being repetitive, repeating "gone" at the end of those two paragraphs after the Minos were captured worked ...