EgoSumNovus

There were some really exquisite descriptions in this, like the very last line of it, for instance, that totally stood out to me. All in all, this was definitely very ...

The descriptions in this were absolutely, deliciously disgusting, and just your command of imagery was absolutely amazing. Truly, I most definitely was awed by this piece. The only things I ...

I think this does have potential to it and really is a very promising beginning that you could develop into a lot more. But I think it does need to ...

I release balloons into the sky and stare until the atmosphere has swallowed them and they are drowning in the sun. Apple blossoms in the eyes of passer-bys make them ...

Considering you say that you're not a poet, this was actually pretty good. As far as what you can improve, I think maybe some of the commas at the end ...

Words play like children in a street- like sacrificial lambs. Spotless as I claim, spotless as you think- nothing more than that. I string them together, pearls on a necklace ...

Not sure some of the lines should have been as short as they were, and with the way you have this punctuated almost makes it feel kind of jerky, which ...

I do love the sincerity that you can just feel pouring out of every line in this, and how obvious is that you truly desire to love people in a ...

All in all, this does seem like a really promising story, and it looks like you've created a very interesting main character here. It was pretty well-written, however, in alot ...

So, for some reason, the line that stood out to me the most was, "and I am not who I am." For some reason, that was just an intensely powerful ...

So, the rhyming kind of style this was written in it might not be my favorite, and your language was more upfront than a lot of the stuff I like ...

Red chrysanthemums grown in a box on a windowsill; they are the skirts that bloom beneath your watchful eyes. There is dirt beneath your fingertips and dirt beneath your smile, ...

It was pretty decent for a poem that described kind of a lack of originality...there might have been some in some bits of this, but other bits were actually pretty ...

I really love a lot of the imagery that you used in this and just your wording. I think it helped to really move the story along, which is something ...

Some of the commas in this piece didn't seem quite necessary, but don't take my word for it, because I could be wrong. I thought over all this was pretty ...