Earthfire713

Hi Smurf! lumpy_joe is right, you need to expand it into paragraphs every time someone new speaks. “Hello I'm Kamay Kamayakan, and I'm reporting to you from the city of ...

This was a really interesting story. Are you going to write more? You misspelled a word some of which where her grandparents It's were. But through it all, in her ...

The only one I can think of right now is Twilight.

I loved it! Are you writing more?

You run to your room Burning inside With anger Sadness Guilt Scorching you And then the tears come Rain falling from gray eyes Cooling your hot face Tears fall inside ...

Hi showtimecircus! The main things that I found wrong were some grammatical mistakes. Thomas thought to himself how stupid he really was in wanting to go out today and do ...

I'm sorry, but I really didn't understand it. The pessimist you're describing seems more like an optimist. I loved your imagery, though!

That was awesome! It had a good hook, and got me interested right away. Could you, at the beginning, put more of an indication that Eli is different from other ...

I love the picture! I also like your name for it: "Bleeding Heart".

That was really good. Could you just put more of a hook at the beginning?

I love it! You should put this in poetry, though.

I loved your description, and the character's thoughts. The only thing that's wrong is some grammar mistakes. Great job!

This story was a little hard to follow, and it didn't really grab my attention at the beginning (I have a very short attention span). Could you put less description ...

That was really good! The one thing that confused me was that sometimes it rhymed and sometimes it didn't.

I agree with Taluhlabelle. It was good, but it was hard for me to pay attention. Could you work on getting a good hook at the beginning?