ELven-Maiden

No, we have support. people just don't want to vocie their opinions after seeing all of those wretched monkies. But one dragon could take on FIFTY of those primate freaks!!!! ...

Nobody saw the face at the window, taking the scene calmly in strided. What did that man say? Something about being wanted? the man watched with interest the man's obvious ...

...And poor Larry wasn't. He started sinking, wallowing in the chocolate and gasping for air as Arnie came closer. Then he felt something slimy wrap around his leg...

FIrst of all, I know next to nothing about gymnastics. when you talk about kips and casts, I'm lost. of course, the real important thing is the giants that you ...

ooh...revenge! Cool! Basically, all I can do is echo the others. I'd like a bit more description on the characters, but the scenery is fine. I could see the battle ...

One thing. Statitics show that 58% of our language is body language. 37% is paralanguage (tone of voice). that leaves only 7% for actual words. Don't just dwell on diolouge. ...

( before you read this, let me get this straight. I suck at writing tension and fight scenes. I'm more of a writer that writes about things like guilt, honor, ...

yeah, i'll see what i can do about the scene where they confront the magicians. but i suck at battlescenes and I'm working on them right now...

Chapter 2 "I thought you said there were hexes and wards," Niyana said as they reached the end of the staircase. "There were," Rame answered smugly. "Didn't you feel it? ...

It seems too rushed. i don't understand anyting that's going on. i don't know when someones talking, whos talking, and what they are trying to say., when you make it ...

Ooh...I'm excited to see how this one turns out! I really liked this. keep it up! But why is she suddenly scared of the man? by your descriptions, I like ...

I agree with everyone else above me. I liked your ideas of magic. they're good and beliveable. Quote: His lips twisted in a cruel little smile and he stepped over ...

Thanx for ur crit, Elelel! Myles hates it when someone just appears from nowhere. there's an entire history behind that. and he only holds Rame because he knows that Niyana's ...

Chapter 1 Niyana shook pale hair out of her eyes and peered around the hard stone wall, calm despite her current situation. "Are you sure we can trust him?" she ...

interesting. i especially liked the begining. however, the descriptions of the characters sort of stopped the flow of the story. if they do that, your reader will skip it to ...