Duskglimmer

You're welcome. Here's the rest of my critique: Marcus watched the coroner follow a few men with Janette’s cloaked body on a plank out of the house. There was no ...

Jessie slipped off, beginning to sort through the racks again while I stepped inside the dressing room. Once I had the dress on, I wished I never had to take ...

If you were trying to get character across through dialouge, it most definately worked. I got two very distinct characters. One, a extremely self-assured powerful person (god?) and the other ...

*laughs* that's okay, Ari darling... I wrote this mostly for myself anyway, and I've decided that that's probably all it's ever going to be... I wanted to say that last ...

You're right. This does belong in Romantic Fiction and I've moved it there... I think I meant to post it there in the first place (that's what I get for ...

You're welcome. But let's just dive right into the story, shall we? Your first paragraph is hard to get into. A lot of the sentences are awkward and a bit ...

Do you see me? Sometimes I wonder if you really do, the way you walk through life absorbed in the thoughts and (imaginary?) catastrophes of your own life. It seems ...

We sacrifice tremendous joy on the altar of public opinion. I love this line. Flat out, plain and simple, I love it. It's a great image and it's going to ...

*blinks* To put Jigsaw's words into a more polite form: Reading long pieces on the computer is hard. It makes it a whole lot easier if you put an extra ...

Okay... I shall remember that to impress.... *tries to remember* Are those dot-dot-dots used correctly after that "Okay"?

* * * The Mall was crowded that afternoon and Kelly, Jessie, Christy and I took our time threading our way through the masses of people that were hurrying about. ...

Dude... for a moment I thought that I started this thread! You've got my old avatar... (it's awesome, by the way) Anywho... Welcome to the YWS! I'm Dusky. I'll see ...

the contest was a race to see who could get out first. I'll try and go back over that and make it clearer. And as for being worried about what's ...

But even then, in Its destruction, It shall be a monument of hope. This is a really excellent line. I love it. And I was pleasantly surprised to find someone ...

Hearing the warning bell, I took off, almost running to make it to class on time. When I got there, I sank into my seat, breathing heavily as I set ...