Deathcurrent

Wow. That really drew me in and didn't let me go. I think I might just cry if you don't put chapter one up. I really like how you do ...

Nice work Dragonett. This work is coming along nicely. The only thing that bugged me was this part: All she ever did was tie her hair back into two braids ...

You might want to add just a smidgen more to the prologue. Then it will be a nice short prologue with the benefit of being longer to get us readers ...

Hey there! I really enjoyed your first chapter. Though I have some suggestions that will hopefully help. In this piece, you've used a lot of short sentences. This paragraph in ...

I continued to stifle my laughter with my towel. “Xavier might be coming over for a visit. Sarah will probably be focused on him. They are boyfriend and girlfriend you ...

I continued to stifle my laughter with my towel. “Xavier might be coming over for a visit. Sarah will probably be focused on him. They are boyfriend and girlfriend you ...

I agree with Butterfly18, you need to make it a smidgen more unique. How you'd do this I don't know, but I'm positive that you'll be able to do it. ...

"Yes.” I replied honestly. “I felt a disturbance in the energy around us, didn’t you?” “That is exactly what I felt. I think a magical creature just died violently over ...

Hello! Of course I'll help re-word it, that's what we're here for. Though I can't speak for everyone else on YWS. Breathing hard, Jordin lowered her aching arms and jogged ...

I'm looking for a new name for "W". If you have a suggestion, post it on my wall, PM me, or write it in your review. The rest of chapter ...

Chapter 3 W The Police Officer I blinked sleepily. Coming out of collecting was like sleeping for one day straight, even though I hadn’t slept at all. Usually I felt ...

I'll be congratulating you as well, but I think you ended a little abruptly. You could definitely draw this out, even if it's suppose to be short. Ending a story ...

UniverseGazer

Wow! Ignore everything about this review for a minute or two. I just want to say how... sweet that was. I don't think sweet can describe your poem in one ...

So simple and beautiful. My favorite part is: People that I thought could see The glimmer of hope inside of me Were only using me, I fear, As a pastime, ...