Clo

Once there was a monster who spoke only about bubble gum. He thought that he should take a lesson about bubbles and rubber bands. He could jump over the river ...

Every note was there, spelled out a deceptive simplicity in little dots lines and sharp tails of ink. This is a confusing sentence. Do you mean "spellING out a deceptive ...

I agree with choco, I was surprised to find out this was a teenage guy. Just tweak the tone slightly to sound more like a teenager, and this will be ...

It was warm and dry all week, giving me an awesome chance to hit [s]at[/s] the tennis courts At isn't necessary. “Hey Santiago, what’s up with it?” Omg... that is ...

Once there was a monster who spoke only about bubble gum. He thought that he should take a lesson about bubbles and rubber bands. He could jump over the river ...

well, all the grammar and style things have been pointed out, but here: After all these years, I made myself forget his name, but I’ll never forget the way his ...

known for having a custom title... that I cannot read. :D

Ditto what Antares said: Dialogue = new paragraphs! When you read a book, think of how that's set up. Try to mimic that. :wink: Before you post a story, search ...

The wind was blowing, making her blond hair and white skirt blow in the wind Well if her hair was blowing, of course her hair would be blowing too. That's ...

I agree with BBB. Jared is a sexy name. :wink: This is an amusing story - what an awful place to do that... I hope there is more! It's almost ...

His lips curved perfectly into a smirk you could call it You need to reword this. "a smirk, if you call it that", or "curved perfectly into what may resemble ...

Weatherly: You have an amazing name. Can we trade? Please? Please? :lol: Anyway, WELCOME TO YWS!!! This is a wonderful place, truly... I can't wait to read your stuff! What's ...

It's okay ^_^ Oh Comely is one of my favorites by them... though my ringtone right now is Heimsdalgate by Of Montreal. I would love to have The Fool as ...

Thank you for the review! I followed your suggestions and cleared up those sentences. I actually knew how to read Tarot when I was younger, but I've forgotten over the ...

This was exciting to read. You have a good pace and tone, and your descriptions had me going. Ooh, the description of the knife on her neck... made me cringe! ...