ChernobyllyInclined

This was interesting. The idea was a good one, I think it just needs to be better developed. CHARACTERS: I liked how you introduced Cara, but I feel like it ...

First of all, this: A few hours later the men showed no sign of falling asleep, and Erik was getting impatient. The leader had given the girl a drug that ...

You know what I really don't get, cool-person-who-joined-my-contest? Why you were Mesh when you first posted this story. I read it, and then I said to myself, "Mesh is a ...

First of all, why is this in Action/Adventure? It seems like a romance to me. You might want to move it. It's also a little long; that might be why ...

Not to be mean or anything, Rosey, but you're acting thick. "What does she owe him?" ...Um, children don't owe their parents anything? Not respect, not even deference? That seemed ...

Sweet avatar. Just because you can do something, doesn't mean you should. I think it would sound better to have Sean say, "Babe, you already are drunk." Even though I ...

Wow, Babe. I was so stunned when I first read this that it took me 22,000 hours to review it, as a certain supposed tank engine might say. I'm going ...

Well, sorry that no one had much helpful advice. But they're right that you've done a good job. Anyway, it looks like you've decided to make this solid romance, which ...

Thai food is kind of like the bottom of someone's shoes that they never wear. I can't believe it took me so long to review this. Of course I read ...

Good, good. Never forget to like your story. As Chesterton says, you'll never truly make something amazing until you love it. Nope, that's not exactly what he said. But it ...

Well, well, well. I'm obviously in love with mysterious and dangerous blue-jacketed-fellow. I think he was wearing a blue jacket. Regardless, alright. That other random person had a point about ...

Yay! Another surprising piece from a land where Rick and Kayo used to rule on high! No more, I say, no more. Not that I don't truly adore Rick and ...

Well, Ringo, I know you'll never read this, but I just wanted to congratulate you on your insightful comments. No, I'm not being mean. You're a new member and so ...

There once was a boy named Marcus Hall, who never went out his bedroom door. You could probably leave out that last part. It sounded a little awkward and repetitive. ...

This sounds like an essay. Start it out like, "I don't much like mud. Haven't ever liked it, really. And today the most amazing thing happened. A nasty, stupid, horrible ...