ChernobyllyInclined

You're not really only twelve, are you? Anyway, I found the description quite pleasing. It flowed in a pleasant sort of way. Skye I found slightly intriguing but I think ...

So you lied to me. You blatantly lied. This was much better. PM me your password so I can go on and just fix the paragraph spacing and a few ...

Hmmm....This was not very compelling. The characters were flat and the narration was predictable and boring. Everyone has heard the 'depressed teenage girl in highschool who has no friends' story. ...

You definitely did a better job on showing what the orphanage was like and illustrating Holly and Gwen's friendship before she was taken. But, even though those were important improvements, ...

Yes. It makes no sense. Or the sense that is does make is not connected to the sense that it is meant to make. Thanks everyone for reviewing and perhaps ...

When I see, 'This is my first post, don't go hard on me', I prepare for something worthless. But I was lucky this time, this very small beginning is surprisingly ...

This was quite funny, and strangely vivid. I find that words often believe they can do the job all by themselves when really, if confronted, they will admit that no ...

I don't understand this. In any case, all following chapters will be in this thread so please specify which one you are reviewing when you do. Thanks. _____ People always ...

Chester Matheson. I quite like the name. And I like the way you describe him. Nothing stupid and cliche about it. It's also interesting looking at him from another's point ...

Hmmm...I have never been very fond of bubbles, but that is beside the point. I liked the imagery, the contrast between the care-freeity (not-a-word) of bubbles and then the deep ...

Hm. I always begin with 'hm'. It convinces people I've really thought about their story when I've done nothing of the sort. Or else they might interpret it that way ...

"Good, good." "No, Bob, thats bad. Dash - got - sent - to - the - office." Well, I liked it. This is not the part that I had specific ...

I quite like the description. But I don't like the name 'Billy'. Just my prejudice against plain names... There are only a few technical problems. "Neither of us moved, the ...

Wow. This was fantastic. The only mistake that I found was when you repeated 'armchair' in the paragraph about the intruder. Other then that, flawless. Although I liked the story ...

Hmmm...This does not quite have enough to it to constitute a short story. Also, the title might discourage readers, try to think up something more grabbing. I looked down the ...