Chelarose

So I read both chapters. There is a definite improvement. This version flowed much better, there was a lot less pointless dialogue, I knew who talking all the time, and ...

This was very good, in my opinion. It was to the point and had good voice. However, I have a couple of critiques. My first critique is, I strongly advise ...

I took it more as amusing than dark, but I have quite a cynical sense of humor. I especially love that you wrote this in second person, because it's hard ...

Okay, this story was absolutely adorable, it made me smile. I loved how it was the moon observing the man, it gave it a very poetic feel to the story. ...

Overall I like the story, it's very good. I have a few critiques. I think you should have given her a name. I know characters don't necessarily need names, especially ...

Okay, so I love the beginning. I am a bit concerned that she forgot about the children. It was a really good wave of emotion, but it could have had ...