Cassandra

Hey, and welcome to YWS! PM me if you have need any critiques or anything, okay? I can't wait to see some of your writing. :D --Cassandra

I think that you're trying to use swear words to up the emotion and intensity of your piece. And it works...sometimes. But most of the time, it does not. Why? ...

I agree with the above comments. The "classic" thing isn't really working for me, especially with the modern-sounding orange juice and oatmeal. The main character was dry and witty enough ...

The real problem with this, I think, is the pacing. It seems rushed. The beginning started off well: good descriptions, etc. But it seemed to speed right up from there, ...

If I may ask--why did you rate this as "R"? It certainly doesn't seem to me to contain any adult content. And perhaps this would be better suited in the ...

Beautiful. Brilliant. Bewitching. Beauteous. ((How many more adjectives starting with the letter "B" do you think I can come up with to describe this piece? :D )) I am very ...

Ugh. *Shutters* Lovely visual there, but interesting nonetheless. Isn't it great how some of the most intriguing things are the most bizarre and/or disgusting? :)

You make me want to give your main character a big hug and tell him it will all get better eventually. And I want to punch Elena in the face. ...

Really nice pictures, fishr! It's interesting about the drums--I didn't know that, but it makes sense, obviously. Because how would anyone hear over the cannons? Your posts are like a ...

Please keep in mind im only 15, Please don't say that again. Most here will think this being your first writing post is more important than your age. Exactly! I ...

As others have suggested: PM me if you have any questions or need any critiques, and I'll be happy to help! Can't wait to see your work around the site! ...

A great thing to keep in mind when doing a crit, Jack. I find that too often I'm in category number three, but I'm trying to focus more on the ...

Welcome! It's great to have new members--PM me if you have any questions or anything of the sort, kay? ;) --Cassandra

drone

Gorgeous pics, Fishr! Can't wait to see the other ones once you get them developed. Glad to see you had fun as well! :D