Cameron

black balloons burst splattering (spraying?) sin all over this D-day parade, where we march, skulls on baton heads, our bloodshot eyes begging "heaven ly light, fall down on me." Trapped ...

Prologue: Friday, September 29 My hands shake as I type, and I know that it won’t be long before I’ll have to stop for awhile. Eloquence and maybe even coherent ...

This is beautiful in its simplicity. My only suggestion is that you incorporate ryhme a little more evenly throughout the entire poem--and not just the last two lines. Perhaps the ...

has potential :P. I just wish I knew what he was looking at/preparing to shoot.

*removed*

I really enjoyed this. One suggestion: I found the section refering to the mans abuse was rushed in light of its profound effect on him. But after the tapes, everything ...

I can understand your issue with the link between the medications and the ending, I will work on that. However, religious references are found throughout the entire poem, as you ...

I felt that you rushed this. Is there any particular reason why you have the beginning of each line capitalized? This is ackward: I am sorry for when it stabs ...

The coming of the new day: the Rapture to our fragile state of mind. A faith so compromised, we write our own prophetic verses; cryptic scratches in our journals— amounting ...

I'm not sure about the simplistic style format--but to each his own. As for in-line suggestions: silence when I dream Perhaps it is just me, but silent dreams is a ...

I admire all those, who no matter what life throws at them, always manage to draw some good from it. Their optimism is contagious :D.

I was in a rush :P . I see the symbology now. However, I still maintain that while the correlation there is evident, that stanza's parallel with love is abstract, ...

I like this. The only problem I have is with this: Do you understand your heroism? That need for glory burning in your gut like fire, incense and tracer bullets ...

The overuse of commas and the list format is wearing on the eyes. The format is indicative that this is neither a letter nor a poem, but rather a cluster ...

Do we sing? No. Here you say we do not sing. What is our song? The words that form the worlds. But here you indicate that we do sing. Which ...