Cameron

I've incorporated some slight revisions. Better?

Poetry is all about being subtle-- you have been much too direct here. Go through your poem, take out the choice verses and analogies and try and piece something together ...

Music stirs on the trembling blades of grass, a symphony erupts on evening's folded head. Melodic whispers from the swaying reeds, drunk on dew that hangs from budding leaves. Bull ...

the fruit flies from the cold metal fortresses, these creatures to which with dangling legs die, gushing their soul over salmon tongues... This is convoluted. teeth tiny, white, I don't ...

Imagination is all good and well, but the "system" of poetry requires the taking of that imaginative thought and moulding it into a configuration of expression. Thoughts and imagination alone ...

“Let’s try this one more time with feeling” A utopia of artists that yearn and ache, swoon and paint in scarlet hues, erratic slashes at the dripping canvas. The poet ...

This is beautiful, you should consider elaborating on this idea in a longer poem. Cameron

I find that this is all over the place. Decide on an approach to your topic and then pursue it proficiently and cleverly. Poetry does not consist of unmethodical information ...

There is potential here, but the way you list each individual line as a seperate idea deters from the flow. You must correlate your ideas so throughout the course of ...

The concept you have chosen has the makings of poetry, but I find that what you have produced is perfunctory at best. Throw in some insightful metaphors, similes, and clever ...

Honestly, I find the pecks look more like breasts and the ear is slightly deterring from the rest of the portrait. I especially like the jeans though and enjoyed the ...

"We matter." I'll let you believe in a God tonight, for I wish your mortal eyes aware. These two lines throw me slightly. I see that you are using them ...

*temporarily removed*

We are the real: behind this chain-linked fence whose clasping fingers bar our way and sharpened razor wire cuts the observant sky ethereal. These yellow, tarnished walls still glimmer, wet ...

7/10 I can't read the first part :P, but the second half makes up for it ;).