Cameron

You have to be careful that when you use poetry to tell a story, or rather illustrate a series of events, that it doesn't become too much of a list. ...

I think your choice of language could have been better; more suited towards you topic. For instance, instead of stand, stoop. You get the idea? Also, since a haiku is ...

Is the poem better without the 5th stanza? the mountain towers unrelentingly past all man’s earthly claims. we are dying; becoming rocklike, stonily indifferent to the mountain’s trial. our minds ...

step lightly cross the stony path, past the crooked trees that cannot live in such thin air, us weathered travelers enshrined in myth; the tavern whisperings of those who say ...

Alrighty, the second stanza is gone, but I couldn't find it in my heart to forfeit all of it, so I combined parts of it in the last stanza. Better?

Presenting the first revision. Still needs some work, but I've tried to make the stanza's connections more evident. While the last stanza may seem confusing, its based upon the synaesthesia ...

- Synaesthesia is a condition in which one type of sensory stimulation evokes the sensation of another, in some cases triggering the perception of vivid colour. Creation is obsolete in ...

governed by that existential factor. unrelentingly precise, the logistics are laid out in symbiotic perfection, the white chalk blatantly deliberate on the blackboard. there is no room for life betwee

Babylon watched the golden hand carve out their doom, usurp them from prominence and clip their guardian angel’s wings as the dust with its million hungry mouths devoured their history, ...

8/10. I like the first one better...second one's too...erm...random.

Thanks a bunch Xanthan. Honestly though, my poetry usually does start with an unplanned tangent. I'm glad it came together by the end. I think a change would be good. ...

It seems that here the world has never quite caught its breath or relinquished the relics of its past. It hints at its renaissance in the meandering cobblestones and the ...

We wish to acquit ourselves of purpose, and tumble off the verge in teardrops; cascading over silver waterfalls at the ......................... world’s edge. The dawn of man is marked by ...

Andrew Lights flickered and wincing he extended a hand to shield his eyes from their brightness. There was an instant of confusion before he remembered where he was. He went ...

*Revised