Cameron

I would remove "had" in: Was hidden as if it had died

It's a nice poem, but unorganized. To start with, the beginning verses are divided into stanza’s consisting of two lines, but as the poem progresses you wander from this configuration ...

Slashing good language. My only issue is the different rythming scheme on 25. On the other hand though, it's effective in the way it regains your attention before immediately launching ...

There is a haunting starkness to this poem that is both elegant in its simplicity and captivating through the impact of the subject matter. Bravo.

Ever wonder if everything as we know it is divisible by three-- the father, son and holy ghost? Lying awake you ponder this as your father groans in pain as ...

I too am somewhat curious. I've heard so many different versions of what exactly happened. And further more, it's not like Steve Irwin's shows were the least bit reserved...dangling his ...

I'm not sure if I completely agree with DreemDeep, I guess it works either way. I find the "The world is ever, Ever turning" gives a nice ring to the ...

Purse your lips against old rolled mary-jane made only from the best imported Columbian black, While you settle back into the sofa of your body and let the wafting smoke ...

Ahh Sharty you make me laugh. So does your work, keep it up. Cheers.

It's a nice start, and a good effort for a first attempt at poetry. My only suggestion would be to give more structure to the verses and maybe rephrase some ...

Lost in transition between parking spaces, that lie neither here nor there, but somewhere up ahead-- along the crossroads of a moment yet to come, that still is veiled in ...

I don't usually enjoy rythming, but I think you pulled it off quite nicely.

My dad was talking with a man from Australia while we were camping, and when he (my dad) told him that Steve Irwin was dead the man seemed almost pleased, ...

What I wanted to convey with this poem is confusion and chaos (i.e. dyslexia)...therefore I wanted no particular sense or order at all (but I aimed to have it at ...

i exist within the feelings that cant be expressed, spoken, utterd, articulated Bbecause of this incessent blundering that comes w hen y o u r e thou d t s ...