Billy

When I said more spacing I meant that you could break the third paragraph up into a couple of paragraphs, other than that the spacings good.

Tranquility followed a scientist into the environment chamber, a second one holding one of those sleeping gas devices as he walked behind him. The lead scientist turned to address him. ...

This just keeps getting better and better. ^^ Getting out of the house, wasn’t a major problem either. You don't need a comma here. It is currently shoved in the ...

Can't wait to see what happens next. and I just got shot in the foot not to mention being you’re senior officer, so we stop You should have a comma ...

First of all, you need more spacing. Start a new paragraph when you start a new idea, i.e. when you go from describing her attacker to talking about a dark ...

Billy I raised my eyebrows a little, grinning. "Peanut butter fudge, eh? She'll be sorry she didn't share." "Uh-huh." "I'll go get a table then, which one's yours?" She pointed ...

It's good to see she's returned to her rebelliousness. Night Mistress already picked up on the Rio thing, so I'll just go through the rest. “Hey, Kids how was the ...

Tranquility slept in his cell, the result of the gas being pumped into it. As he slept, a scientist wearing a gas mask ventured into the room, checking carefully to ...

Interesting beginning, I'd like to see where you go with this. We’re in Mexico in a village that is a few miles away from a bog where a lone tower ...

Vidol Oratal Vidol snapped to attention, saluting the captain as he stepped out of his room. Even as he waited for the human's response, he appraised the captain, wondering what ...

Billy My grin widened a fraction as she stuttered. See, I told you she liked me. I got my lunch and turned to her again. "Want me to grab a ...

**I'll go in for that fight, or for hunting down the escapees** Name: Tranquility Age: Appears 22, actually over 3000. Race: Forkrul Assail (Really long limbed, really tall people with ...

I turned around again, about to give the lunchroom another look over, when suddenly Alice was right behind me. I smiled, genuinely happy to see her. Just because she's willing ...

Vidol Oratal Even as he walked towards one of the human personnel he was stopped by another. "Sir? Could you please follow me? The Captain wishes to begin the briefing ...

I looked around the lunchroom, trying my best not to look worried. Just because she isn't here yet doesn't mean she's not gonna show. As if she wouldn't show up ...