Billy

Billy "If you were taking something, of course I would mind, but-" I stopped, "Hang on..." "Yes?" she asked, clearly enjoying this. "What did you mean, leaving something?"

Billy I raised my eyebrows, "Now you're just going out of your way to make me curious." She grinned, "You've got that right. Doesn't mean I'm gonna tell though." I ...

Billy I was silent for a while, unable to think of anything to say. If I could, I would kick you for this, Bill. Say something, dammit! "So, what was ...

Billy I smiled at her, "Yes you are - I can see you shivering." "Well, I don't actually feel cold." I sighed and slipped off my jacket, offering it to ...

Billy "Yeah, same here - but not with Bella," I said. She giggled, "I should hope not!"

(I've just started year 11 and I'm getting a lot of work so I'll only to be post in the afternoon - which, I think, is around midnight for you ...

Billy "Come on, Jorin," I said, "There's bound to be at least one girl in here who'd want to dance with you." "Sure, sure." he muttered, "Law of Averages and ...

(I feel like I'm *meant* to be doing something but don't know what it is - is there anything I'm supposed to do?)

**I'm not actually sure how to play this kind of cheat, but I'll give it a whirl** Vidol glanced over at the Voider and smiled a little, "If you think ...

The main problem I saw with this is that you opened in first person and then changed to third person straight away. You should keep the perspective the same throughout ...

First of all, this needs to be spaced out more. You need more paragraphs and you need to leave a line between each one. Start a new paragraph when you ...

Billy I blushed a little, still dizzy myself, "Wow, really?" "Yup." Good work Bill, never thought you had it in you! One final thing though: now what? I froze. That ...

(I'm back from holidays, should be able to post more often now) I waited for the DJ to do his dedication, catching Alice's eye from across the floor and smiling ...

Vailin stopped, looking around. That damned archer had just disappeared on them. "Sir! Over here!" He turned and saw one of his soldiers pointing towards a clearing. They moved forward. ...

(Damn - pressure much? XD I'll see what I can do)