BerlynnRae

This was so good. I enjoyed the mixed feelings here where he loves a girl and have home life issues where he doesn't want to return home. Though I did ...

Thanks all I have been thinking about all of your comments and I am editing this chapter hopefully soon when I get a chance. Thanks for the tips.

I posted the first chapter for anyone who would like to comment. I will edit it as soon as I get a chance.

This story has four P.O.V. characters as listed in the description. They come from different parts of the same world (Orion). This is based off of what I know as ...

Overall I loved it. It was amazing. but there was one thing that threw me off. At the end when the female character was talking to the knight/guard you were ...

ok so i read it and loved it but there was one part that made me confused. "“Oh, you’re home. And you brought food. I guess I don’t need this!” ...

I agree with Mysty. It sounds like a story-line. like your telling me the plot. now that you've got the basic idea go for the dialogue. besides that loved it! ...

I have to say "bravo!" I though the way you developed character Tim was well done. He seemed smart, strong, loving and over all a good mix of a big ...

I woke up again, as a spoonful of rain fell from the branch above me. The last cold bead of rain ran down my cheeks like a tear, leaving a ...

We slowed down to a walk and looked around a bush to see a troll not two feet from us; its skin was a murky green color and muddy, it ...