BadNarrator

(18+ for violence and strong language.) This is the 1st part of my 5000 word short story. I'm thinking about submitting it for my writing workshop so any feedback would ...

I stared at the girl in the mirror, she didn’t look any different. She still had thin, long blond hair, pulled back into a ponytail, just like every other day. ...

The question I kept asking as I read this story excerpt was "Why is she telling him this?" I wouldn't start the story with this conversation, but just before it. ...

Hi BadNarrator! Welcome to YWS! Okay, I'm quite certain that the biggest problem in this piece is the punctuation and overall set-up. It is very hard to tell where on ...

Hey I'm critiquing your story now. First of all the spelling mistakes were very distracting so I took the liberty of running this story through spellcheck before reading it. But ...

So why are you here?; because I got in a fight ; and why did you get in a fight?; because a kid wouldn’t leave me alone ; well I’m ...

Hey I'm BadNarrator and I'll be reviewing your story today. As I approach the mysterious object with anticipation, a shiver of excitement runs down my spine. It was early morning, ...

Uh...I usually try to avoid critiquing stories like these but I guess I can take a crack at it. Once upon a time there was a enigmatic little imp named ...

Hey Narrator "...up on a hill where you could see the river..." Suddenly switching to second person is something that's best avoided. Here you've kind of put your reader in ...

I was encouraged to issue a Warning to Readers because the 18+ rating isn't good enough apparently: This story contains bad language (ie Spanglish), themes of a sexual nature (the ...

Laden with ice and swaying in the bitter Alaskan wind the pines crackled in an eerie orchestra that could be mistaken for the thrashing and snapping of a wild animal's ...

A tragic loss of a friend. Ernest Hemingway said that every great story should include a death. I think it was Hemingway who said that. Anyway, despite the need for ...

(I'd like to reiterate to you guys about how I'm totally not a plagiarist. God awful narrator, yes. A coward, yes. A childish, vulgar, self centered individual, yes, yes and ...

Despite its length I found this story to be very intriguing. Unfortunately it is lacking in description which is always important for shorter stories. Here are my suggestions: MY WORST ...

Writersdomain, thank you for your feedback. It is much appreciated.