BFG

I also like the repetition of the first lines in the last, and thought those repeated lines were the strongest of the poem. The middle bit, though, was full of... ...

There's nothing here, nothing concrete to connect to. You need a base, a metaphor if you want to go into the metaphysical, some imagery and description if it's about something ...

You have some great verbs here... "undulating", "taunting", "tempting", "itching", "dripping"... they're great, but it's too many verbs. The metaphor of words to waves is good, but you need to ...

I like the last line, and the idea of expecting surprise. And I love the title. One thing you might want to think about though is incorporating more imagery - ...

Applause for your use of iambic pentameter: it's superb. I especially liked the way you got "fragility" to fit. The vocabulary was excellent also, and I love the line: stained ...

Wow, bubbles just said everything I wanted to say. This is a fine first attempt, and like all first attempts needs revision, but nonetheless is an important step. Keep writing! ...

I agree with cadmium. The silly-sounding words as used here do not create humor, nor would humor fit with the emotion of the poem. "Never ever" does just sound childish, ...

It's good. My suggestion would be to leave the last lines as they are. The "this" has to go there because it rhymes with shameless and nameless. I think those ...

Coldplay is coming out of the trees oh yeah. Still kissing my heart, the bruise is a purple aura on my head. It scribbles away like the typo that starts ...

Beautiful, but exceedingly difficult to follow. I love this bit: Wait until the sunrise bleeds across all of your dirty deeds. This light catches the silver eyes unblinking, dripping dew ...

I actually thought the last line was the strongest part, for summing up the feeling i'm sure we've all had before with such brevity, and for taking the images and ...

Nice theme, and you told the story with images. That part's good. What I didn't like was that the rhythm was a bit chunky, the rhymes sometimes forced, and the ...

Yes, very cliched. The whole 'malice' in the eyes thing doesn't really makes sense... it wouldn't be malice coming from a coward. Malice indicates will, albeit will toward evil, but ...

I like it, despite the peculiar style. I like the little bits and pieces of a person adding up to give us a detailed picture. It's like a police report ...

This is very good. Boni_Bee already pointed out any errors I'd found, so I won't repeat that. I like the length, and while the sentences could be revised, words here ...