BFG

Hey there! Welcome to YWS! Ok, so what struck me first were the typos and spelling/grammar glitches. Honestly. I'm not just being nit-picky--they get in the way here. Make sure ...

I actually don't think the McCain-lame rhyme is so bad. There's such a thing as a slant rhyme (also goes by other names), in which the rhyme isn't exact but ...

Miller Williams also has a poem about poetry, though if I remember rightly his is about writing it not reading it. You should check it out. But on to your ...

I've heard it said We're living in the future. I tend to agree. We have Everything we ever wanted And I don't know if we want anything Else that's really ...

I really like your first stanza; what a powerful opening! I agree with Elinor that your focus could be improved. Another little detail to work on is your punctuation at ...

A blind girl walks up the street, passing by where I sit beneath the cool white columns of the porch, so civilized against the emerald blades of grass hustling up ...

I agree with everything said above. Maybe you could use a story/plotline to communicate things, rather than just stating them? Right now it has the feel of an essay, an ...

Hey there! I read this kind of quickly, but what struck me was that it would be greatly improved if a lot of the unnecessary commas were taken out. Just ...

Hi there! Great topic. And I agree with Snoink, the poem sounds like it is panting, the way someone would be as they near the top of a hill or ...

Good start. I really like how it conveys the wandering, lost sense the speaker is feeling, and the last stanza is particularly nice because it delves into that self-pitying stage ...

I agree with Jas and would add that the first stanza would be greatly improved if it weren't so direct. Try using more images to convey what happened, like you ...

Nice idea--something concrete to act as a springboard for more abstract topics. Some of your lines are really vague though, and seem to be there just for the rhyme and ...

Yep, still waiting. Apparently the USPS is just as lovely. :)

The idea's a good one, and I love the images you have going on, particularly in the first stanza. One thing that might help it flow better is if there ...

Wow. I was trying to figure out how you were going to pull off an ending to such a climactic suspense, but I certainly never saw this one coming. Great ...