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Re: Alone
It seems to be lacking something. I think the repetition throws me off. I would suggest more imagery but the emotion is strong so good job on that. I think ...
Jul 1, 2010 -
Re: Do you...
I can sense the pain. I like how the topic is serious but it is simply written. It works but there are a few repetitions. I would suggest you expand ...
Jul 1, 2010 -
Re: That one lunch.
The story was kind of interesting and I can see it turning into something great! You left me in suspense but there are a few spelling errors that distract me. ...
Jul 1, 2010 -
Re: The Beauty and the Boy
As an hopeless romantic, I am attracted to these kind of stories. I thought was great but it moved so quickly. I would suggest adding more emotion and details. It ...
Jul 1, 2010 -
Re: Stronger Now
The first day I found myself alone is when I started to grow I thought I needed you to survive Now you're gone, I never felt so alive I realize ...
Jun 30, 2010 -
Re: Ball and Chain
She was exhausted, her eye lids heavy with sleep. The sleepy/hurt feeling spread to her head as she rubbed her temples a useless attempt to subside the pain. Girl closes ...
Jun 30, 2010 -
Re: Prologue of 'Bloody Canvas'
I like how you set up a good image. You are obviously talented. I liked "numbness spread through his body like an icy poison" I would love to read more ...
Jun 30, 2010 -
Re: The Story (PG-13 for sensitive subject)
By the way, talking about how your two identities were fused together, I liked that.
Jun 30, 2010 -
Re: The Story (PG-13 for sensitive subject)
I am literally a bit teary eyed right now. I actually had to stop typing for a few seconds. This piece was so moving. Intense subject but simply told. The ...
Jun 30, 2010 -
Re: Essay for college
I read this as if I were the one who accepts you into college, as if I were an administrator. I liked the first few lines because you were honest, ...
Jun 30, 2010 -
Re: Spread Love Like Violence
Great and inspirational! I enjoyed it. The only thing that distracted me was the repetition. I found it a bit annoying. If you either changed those lines or got rid ...
Jun 30, 2010 -
Re: The Hideous Expression of Love
There were a few spelling mistakes that distracted me from the story but not enough to enjoy it. Your description of the man was almost a turn off, but it ...
Jun 30, 2010 -
Re: A Pillar of Salt
Wow! That was incredible! It was abstract and that's why I liked it! It was short and I wanted to know more. I felt left in suspense but that may ...
Jun 29, 2010 -
Re: That Summer
...wow...
Jun 28, 2010 -
Re: A Body Shot
I had to read that twice. I almost missed the double meaning. I feel like the dragon was a symbol for something. I like how this story is so obvious ...
Jun 28, 2010
