Attolia

This is brilliant :). I love the tone in it. All I could find were nitpicks. she wanted it, no needed it. maybe instead she wanted it - no, needed ...

Hey everyone. So this is the second chapter of my story, first chapter can be found here: You don't really need to read the first chapter, though it would help. ...

Hey. Good continuation with the story so far. They gleam a deep brown, matching my eyes. I don't like this analogy. Comparing her eyes to airplane seats? You don't need ...

Haha, I liked this! Forgetting your the mention of zombies, I thought it was going to be another cliched suicide/depression story from the first two paragraphs. And then bam! It ...

I really like the story you have so far. I like this chapter much better than the last... it gets straight into the action. Your first chapter had too much ...

kingolions - Thank you! "(And this is where someone comes and shoves what I said, into the dirt, and pick on every little thing that I woad wasn't there. But ...

I see you've edited it, to add more about Amy and their relationship and to now quote the dialogue. I thought the extra Amy bit was very effective. It blended ...

Hey. I thought this was good, but parts were kind of confusing. It hasn’t been the same, she said, it’s not your fault. I didn’t have to be here. She ...

Hey. I really liked this. I think you captured his grief and his descent into insanity perfectly. Oh, you’re leaving? asks one of the cops, but I can’t tell who. ...

So this was the very first thing I ever wrote (creative writing, that is). It was for an English assignment at the beginning of the year. We had just finished ...

“Nikolina!” the queen, my mother, Ingrid, called. That's kind of overdoing it. I'd just say "my mother the queen" or something to that effect. Her name isn't that important; you ...

Hi! In this piece you fall very guilty of telling instead of showing. Instead of telling us about your character's past, show us. Give it some action, with flashbacks or ...

Hey. :) First of all, you can write really well. You have a clear, smooth, and direct narrative voice that I envy. I thought, in theory, this piece was very ...

Okay... That bad huh? Guess I'll find something to do with my life. I was thinking about enlisting in the Air Force. lol Seriously though, any feedback will help me ...

EliteHusky - Thanks, yeah I did mean to put "they" I guess it was a typo. And I actually did mean to put prude and "a Bourgeoisie". The capitalization on ...