Artecila

All those jewels, you went into that much detail to name them, (and lapis is actually shoddy by most accounts), it seems imbalanced. Your language is way off for an ...

I'm with Vernon on this one again. Even Beowulf had a lull in the battle, but the numbers just keep on growing of Kelbarcs, so much so that we are ...

Deus ex machina indeed. I really hate any use of DEM in stories unless there was some foreshadowing or circumstances in play they caused it to rationally occur or be ...

Pretty good, I like how it flowed and the dialog was not forced, made it enjoyable to read. Though I must say the whole wizard thing might be a bit ...

Dialog seems completely out of place for the setting. It just really doesn't fit in, much of your prose just does not fit, making it all seem horribly out of ...

Skipping the very intro piece, someone else can do that. It's not my area. “Let the savages wail in their own spite!” ~ Huh? Spite is a bad word choice ...

Too much use of 'I' for the work, try to change it up and drop as many of those unneeded 'I''s as possible. I am not a fan of the ...

Perhaps you'd like to match wits sometime. It is hard to pull one past us, not old enough to lose our perception and old enough to match a quick wit. ...

True. Though they usually want it to be in a different form or not completely online. First three chapters versus the entire work will sway them more, but they also ...

Was a good piece, but the last part was not exactly funny. When you have at least eight more pieces coming up, it is pretty safe to say that he ...

I would drop the poem then. Though same with Vernon on this one, the scene just seemed like it was missing the emotion and played down the last emotional piece ...

Its awkward cause we don't get to see what is happening prior to this scene. He may be gone, but it as readers we don't get any attachment to 'Carmen'. ...

I think this is more complete, but it still sounds like it is leading into the trial rather then a prologue which gives prior events for the reader to get ...

Alright...I guess I am first. This was really confusing and hard to follow because all the dialog was not separated. Just reading it made my eyes feel like they were ...

There was the emotion I was wanting back in the first installment! Alright, good job, good job. Though... this hidden power, its not like a berserker rage or anything I ...