Ardor

For me, the third line is a bit too long. You could, after the word before, move the rest onto a new line. To me the poem seems very personal ...

Interesting use of vocabulary. However, for a minor improvement you could consider how your piece flows. Personally for me, I think your poem suffers a little from the frequent short ...

Faces pressed flat against glass windows Ten men in a room for two Censhorships stop here No isolation; only detoxification Abnormal relationships formed In corners and on floors Breathless- breeding ...

The last line made me laugh. Was this intended? If so well done. If not, you may not edit it a little. As for the actual plot of the story, ...

Agreed that the last 2 lines coudl be improved. Great poem overall.

Thank you for your comment shoaib. It is a very personal poem to me- I wrote it for a girl I once knew. However, as time has gone by, she ...

"He wonder why his life had been spared". Awesome way to end any chapter of any story. You have a certain skill: you use the techniques of Fantasy writing and ...

Well it's a good first chapter, but I think you might need to edit it a bit. There are some parts which work for people like me and your vocabulary ...

View the world through a fractured eye And we are complete again Grasp my words to tell the difference And we are clean again The answer is apparent and I ...

As narrator in Proxy: I don't care, any drug of my choice, as long as no politicians come my way

Really, really emotional. You have a great sense of vocabulary which you use very well. There is one line though which kind of confuses me. It's the line: "There was ...

The tongue had a tattoo, blue and red, imprinted on the sensitive pink. It persuaded me to enter, for I need some sort of drink. The starship turned out to ...

Welcome Desire. I hope you get to post some really good stories/poems. I would love to read them :)

Very good story. It has a nice flwo and pace to it. However, I wasn't so fond of the spacing at the end of the story- it seemed a bit ...

I think what you need to focus is the use of language. I found the language a bit too simple for me- try using a bit more originality in your ...