Ardor

The last paragraph has a weird structure. I think you need to edit this piece a bit- there are certain parts which don't really flow that great. However, with those ...

Don't forget: I have also posted part 2 in the same forum. Like I said before, you won't be expecting the opening line of chapter 2 to be "I want ...

Hey there! I am 567ajt, lord of the messed up dark fiction and king of the amgigous poetry. Lol just kidding. Welcome to YWS. Enjoy your stay.

I concur this. I am dead serious. This is great. This is fantastic. This is- fantabulous. I know it's a made up word but who cares?! These 4 essays are ...

This is what is missing nowadays: a poem which can also read as a story. It has varied sentence structures for effect, a very nice use of symbolism and is, ...

God this is so great. Keep up the good work. You have got me hooked.

Don't change anything. Not a single thing. You are extremely talented in what you do. You write exquisitely and precisely and intelligently and you have an awesome way of expressing ...

Very good essay. You have evaluated your life in just a couple of paragraphs. I like how you kind of write in the 2nd person, yet it is obviously from ...

Edited :)

2. Loneliness isn’t a word My morning was perfectly fine- the same sense of anxiety when I drink my apple juice, the overbearing sense of being stalked. I am used ...

God this reception is way better than the reaction at WritersBeat I can tell you that lol.

Alert and alive! Johnny stands up Looks out of the window Without passion or love He never cries He only ever stares into nothing He once had everything He used ...

You, paperbackheart, have just made a prologue which makes me crave for more. I hope to see more of your novel. You are the best at what you do: creating ...

What? Is this the end? Sonofabitch! What a great read! How on Earth are you going to follow THAT one up? You have really really really impressed me- when I ...

Very inspirational, heartwarming and sensitive. I loved every line of it. Especially the very last line, where I feel you are addressing me personally. It's people like you which have ...