Ardor

God I love this. Are you new to YWS? If so, you sure as hell have a way to introduce yourself. Your use of words and laguage i spot on, ...

Creatures kissing in the rain- the sacrifice of pennance. Shapeless in the dark, illuminated once again by the swift touch of my pulsing heartbeats. Up by the branches in the ...

"What the frick is Persian blue?" I didn't like this line. I found it a bit forced. I'm sorry to say this, but this is my least favourite chapter. I ...

5. Dr. Greenway’s unnecessary mentoring session #1 The door, as I hoped for, was locked. The big bold letters, reading “Dr. Greenway’s office”, are going to be repeated in my ...

This is really funny, but also really sad in places :( I loved it. You rock!

The words are descriptive. I like your structure and your general pace of the poem. I feel that at times I find myself losing the rhythm a little bit but ...

That was...surreal to say the least. I like the idea you are going for. This may be bollocks to you, but it reminds me so much of Animal Farm. I ...

Dripping down my face once more The hollow eyes, the shallow whore The wallpaper is crumbling, a motel for sure Teardrops like rain and bloodlines torn Sitting on a bed ...

GUMMYWORM! Don't mind my introduction, I always do that. Hello there I am 567ajt, lord of ambiguous poetry and really fucked up narratives, at your service. Welcome to YWS brotha!

Hmm. I'm not sure if this fits in the General Fiction section. Don't get me wrong- it's good. But I feel it more of a self reflective sort of thing ...

Whoa. That's all I can say. Although I disagree about the bit talking about how 'God showers us a little bit of humility and gives us wisdom for the future' ...

'Getting up to go to the most wonderful place on Earth, that was sarcasm, I'm to going to school.' That line wasn't really necessary. We know that it is probably ...

Your punctuation is off in the first paragrpah. It seems really strange your piece. Not the idea, but your layout. To me it is random. I am sorry, but I ...

I gnorance is strength F or the fun of it T ime is ticking away O nly the insiders know N o more Mr. Nice Guy Y outh destroyed B ...

Very well done indeed. For Act 1 it is a good way to start. I like your use of language throughout your piece. However, for an improvement, you may need ...