Aly_Tobias

While this is interesting there's just too much dialogue. Tell us what they're doing while they're talking, give us a description of their attitudes, emotions, and facial expressions. Other than ...

Ok guys thanks so much for your help. I've edited it accordingly and put in just a tiny description of the mental plane. There will be more explaining it to ...

::Misapprehension 1:: (edited) I woke up in a cold sweat with a gasp. Something was happening, I didn’t know what and I didn’t know why but inside myself a change ...

First impressions? I immediately feel bad for that poor secretary! To have to put up with Mr. Chang every day? I think I'd shoot myself first...or him...whoever was closer. Second ...

I'm so evil I know, I found the last of the mistakes. Ya know I love ya, lol! :D I froze , I didn't know what it was and most ...

Wow. Your story absolutely captured me. I love it. There are a few places where it could flow better, but other than that it was wonderful. I love how you ...

The rest of the weekend had been eventless, dull and nothing very interesting had happened. No helping verbs needed (change "had been" to "was") and watch which time you're putting ...

As per the high request from the comments on my first post I'm redoing my Introduction. ::Introduction Revised:: I covered my ears and tried desperately to block them out. ‘Shut ...

I'll admit when I first opened your post and saw how short it was I was a bit skeptical since I was reading more than one thing at once, but ...

::Introduction:: How many of you have multiple personalities, or in my case past lives, lying in the back of your mind constantly muttering to you all day long and putting ...

I can honestly say that I have no complaints with this piece. The way you hook in your readers is engaging and informative without being dull or boring. At the ...

Your school tried to suspend you for this lovely piece of work? Dear lord they are derranged. I tried finding something to critique as I went through and read it ...

In the store there was only a few people. "Was" should be "were" We were going to be reading Oliver Twist , which I’ve already read three months ago. "I've" ...

I saw Sarah putting up a new display of Meg Cabot books. When she saw me she smiled , she had long blonde hair and bright blue eyes. This is ...

I work the hardest in this place and yet I see not even a little raise…after two years! Oh the injustice of working at a mall! :roll: I'm sorry, I ...