AlwaysADreamer

Belle screamed as if in sudden physical pain, her dark eyes filling with pain. Her mother’s arms encircled her as she cried out in pain You used 'pain' three times, ...

Really excellent vocabulary, description and history! I love how you used the setting to provide the background information - that shows that your writing has much more depth. I look ...

Ok here it is. The writing is good, don't get me wrong, but if you are really planning on making this more than a mediocre short story, you need to ...