Alexwriter

This was brilliant. Other than some grammatical errors I've found nothing to critique!!!! It was dark and sinister and quite creepy so it was the sort of thing I love ...

I slouch in my chair, gripping the itchy blue tablecloth as if I were drowning and it was my lifeline. Maybe I am drowning. Drowning in my memories, drowning in ...

"I hate you mum!" I slammed the door hard, the old and rotten building shook and the door cracked at the side. I let out a long and painful sigh. ...

I agree with perdido except you don't need to capitalise the first letter if you're using enjambment With your silken feet resting on vain sediment and subservient ocean weed; You ...

3 Scott awoke in a barred cell in a bed that actually gave him extra room; he wasn’t falling off the edge like in his room back underground. His wounds ...

Thanks soo much for the tips and the support. I've now edited it as well as the other chapters and have completed a short fifth chapter which I will upload ...

You asked where I stopped reading? Well.... I didn't! I'm pretty damn hooked on this :D Plus i love the title FREAK (as a Freak, I can completely respect that)

Nora sat at her desk and drummed her fingers on her desk with one hand, tapping her pencil thoughtfully against her lips with the other. She’s gotten the hair alright, ...

Alec disliked the realm of the dead, other than the obvious reason, because of the smell...or...lack of one. The human world had so many sounds and scents but the Dead ...

Rainwater fell from the tips of Nora’s hair in droplets and spattered the page as she tried to sketch. At last she gave up and flung the sketchbook onto the ...

The hospital reeked of death, the stench of disinfectant barely covering it up. For a building that’s sole purpose was the preservation of life, the scent of corpses lingered in ...

It's a bit cliche but makes for a good mainstream pop song. I would've liked some emotional depth.

I absolutely LOVED this. Anything i had to critique was already mentioned by Jellybean. So all I can say is how much i enjoyed this. Keep up the good writing ...

Unfortunately I agree that this does have similarities to Twilight in the ways Borntobeawriter mentioned. But I loved that Athira has a much stronger voice. I also love her name. ...

Damn. Part of me was hoping to return the scalding (but thoroughly helpful) review you gave one of my short stories. But my hopes were dashed when you sucked me ...