Akisha

Hey, well I'm not exactly a new member anymore but I've never posted anything in here before. So I guess I should say a little something about myself. I live ...

I really liked this poem! =D> Its really nice! I'm not a huge fan of poetry myself but I think this is good. I think you should make It longer. ...

Very cool! :D Do i see the word Ska? My dad is obsessed with Ska music...

I read about half of this. You really need to break up your sentences. Your putting in too many and's. He led me way down the hall It was very ...

Thanks for the reply Snoink. To be honest, I think most of the changes I made really sucked! There's no reason that I'm capitalizing "it". I thought you were supposed ...

Summer for me means a Summer job with my Dad. Then at the weekend I go out shopping with my friends and spend all my wages on clothes or shoes. ...

Thank you all for your opinions! They are highly appreciated. Thank you Helen, It was nice to get some positive feedback. I never really went over this when I wrote ...

Thank you for your opinion Snoink. I've noticed that in a lot of stories that people give away too much at the beginning, and I was trying my best not ...

Pretty amazing. The way you described was If I was there. I could smell, feel, hear everything(as someone else already said). I liked It, a lot. You really have a ...

Yeah its pretty good but it seems like the story is a little too predictable as i said before. I haven't much else to say. Keep on writing :wink:

It's good for a children's story, but i personally don't find It terribly interesting. Ever so slightly too predictable and i think you should flesh it out a bit more ...

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[u]1st part of the story[/u] Its a very imaginative piece, with a good storyline. There is quite a few grammatical errors though and the story is a bit rushed. You ...

Let me see...I can't really think of any faults with it apart from the ones already mentioned. It's good but Its not [i]brilliant[/i]. It didn't really grab my attention, Its ...

1st Paragraph I think you need to describe the setting a bit more here. I didn't get a very clear image of what was going on. "a slight smile escaped ...