Aisho

YES! DRAGONS! *love* They brought me hear after I attempted to escape. I'm sure you meant here . ;) Although I’m not sure weather I will be able to be ...

My only thought was "patience, my young padawan." :D I liked it a lot. .... there's not really much to say. Which is pretty awesome, especially from a knife-them-in-the-gut critiquer ...

Our guard quickly kicked open the door, his years of being a soldier kicking in. Well. Let's have a talk about repetition, shall we? Kicked and kicking in the same ...

This was a very 2-D introduction--I felt little connection to anything you wrote. This had more to do with the fact that your characters were faceless than the fact that ...

I am SO GLAD all of you are critiquing. It really does help a lot. I apologize for info-dumping continuously; I generally set up all my stories like that as ...

EDIT: SORRY ABOUT THE COUNTING ERROR!!!! Lack of sleep can do that, ya know ... ~_~ This is another set-you-up chapter. ;) Baesa and Caelun are very, very, very important ...

Clear ly [s]that[/s] he could not be wavered in any situation. But [s]like the[/s] with skin had never seen the sun. But not like an[s]d[/s] elder. It gleamed with lines ...

VERY good. :D I loved the interaction between Brad and Kiera! "Sorry I was so abrupt. Yes it is a pleasant evening. I need to talk to you." This is ...

I feel as if you're on a precipice--a little more, and this would be an AWESOME read. What stopped me from truly enjoying it were three things: the amazingly abrupt ...

In the beginning you write that she has no friends, but a few paragraphs later you state that Carmen has become one of her close friends. This sort of contradiction ...

Chapter One! :) This chapter sets up the rest of the plot, so if you find it dry, I'm sorry, but I generally refrain from jumping headlong into the plot. ...

Your writing has a very good flow to it, but you tend to halt that flow with unnecessary wording. There's several points where the sentences could be far more condensed. ...

I am a HUGE fan of teenage drama/romances, primarily because you can stay removed from all the drama but still get in on the action. So let's begin this by ...

You have a good sense of what the world is supposed to look like, which makes it far easier to read, but in several instances you began reusing words you'd ...

"The Blue King" is my latest work -- criticism is EXTREMELY WELCOME. I love this novel, and I hope to make it the best it can be, and I can ...