Aisho

Oolala. An *excellent* continuation. I can't wait for chapter two. This discrimination against Torians is really interesting. I've gone for culture-against-culture before myself, but I have to say I d

Rated "R" for violence. It's not really *that* violent -- buut -- I suppose if you think about the amount of blood that would issue from the violent act ... ...

I really enjoyed reading about the violinists; I could almost hear their playing. Wonderful, wonderful job. Twinflower did the nit-picking, so there's not much for me to say about this ...

Your grammar and your spelling needs work, but other than that, this was excellent. You managed to introduce us into a completely alien world and still make it feel as ...

This has been pretty well worked over, so I'm not going to further pick apart your prologue -- but I will say this. Don't abandon your prologue yet, simply consider ...

Eh. That's all I really think about this chapter ... eh. It's weak as chapters go ... I'm tempted to cut out all the story-telling. What do you think? Keep ...

Not much going on in this chapter ... I really like it for some reason, but -- no swashbuckling or heroic magic. Just moronic cousins and one order of traitorous ...

I ... love it. No, that's not a strong enough word. I'm not sure what to say, except that this is an *amazing* piece. This is the first time in ...

I like the idea of a literal tree house, and I *love* that they're called the Tors. I don't know why, but that really appeals to me. My only criticsm ...

I'm no expert on poetry, but I will say this: I felt the first far more strongly than I felt the second. I understood what you were feeling -- but ...

Rated "R" for violence. I figured I play it safe this time. :) PLEASE NOTE : I attached the map of J'engar and Talon to this post. Please, look at ...

Oh, Caelun. You misguided little guard. :D You'll see what I mean ... he's one of those guys who'll argue his heart out but never quite understand *what* he's arguing ...

Your imagery is brilliant. I loved it!! The only discrepancy I could find was that you initially described the waves a forceful and crashing, yattayattayatta, but a few paragraphs later ...

Um, well ... okay. A) The "new characters" are only tools. Don't worry about 'em. B) Talon and J'engar ain't that big. Thus, their armies are pretty small. C) I ...

It's long ... and there's some weak parts ... but I like it. It's very drama. :D Not rated R, because that's not generally how I write, but I have ...