Aisho

Slow down! There's a lot of typos, and it feels a bit rushed. Criticism aside, though, I loved it! Rakari is awesome. ;) Like greenjay said, be careful -- romance ...

Hal's a doubtful little stick, isn't he? Before questions are asked ... neither Daeun nor Ianna liked to be questioned, even in the space of a glance. Hence their mild ...

I was going to combine this with Chapter Twenty-eight, because without the rest this is just so blah, but -- Chapter Twenty-eight is a beast. It's huge. So, no combining ...

Just to clear things up ... Ianna is a spitfire, and she's learned to control herself because of who she has to be. Aedaan is the only family she's got ...

Chapter Twenty-six! Whew. :D I'm sorry if the story has been progressing slowly, but I don't like to have my books to be purely action the entire time ... and ...

The first sentence -- take out the bit about the moonlight. Once that's gone, it flows sooo nicely. Also, when you're describing her hair, just cut out the bit about ...

Um ... okay ... I've really liked all your previous work, but this one kind of flopped for me. This is why: When a family friend (who is assumably like ...

That was great. At first I was wondering why you were dumping us in the middle of a "guess what I've been hiding the fact that I'm an [insert monster ...

I disagreed with a great many of the proceeding posts -- your spacing is fine, plane really is supposed to be plane (ignorance is bliss?), and there's nothing wrong with ...

Try italicizing their thoughts -- it'll make it easier for people to understand. It's a good framework, but there's definitely room for improvement. The first sentence bothers me -- too ...

It was a little mixed up -- the transitions from one place to another were practically nonexistant. One minute it's day, and in the next it's night, and I'm trying ...

I told you it'd be a while. =_= I'm so swamped right now. I had a spare five minutes and hurried to post this before I get seriously behind. I ...

Normally I wouldn't post another chapter so soon after the other, but certain restrictions to my free time have sprung up, and as a result I don't know when I'll ...

I loved it. No one part of it seemed too unrealistic or awkward; the parts that could be considered as such were primarily stylistic choices anyway, and unique to the ...

Nooo tell her tell her tell her!!! D: There's a few grammatical mistakes, but due to time constraints (grr!) I'm just going to say that they're there -- someone else ...