AdamBH

She sits in a room Of gold and of silver, Pretending she's happy, Pretending she's there; But if I do look at her I will know better: She's just like ...

Wonderful! I do think it could use some imagery and interlinking themes though, just to make it more emotive and interesting. But it's fine like that too. :D

It's fantastic! Concluding tone definitely needed. Emotion...yes maybe but it's very good even so. Think about what your conclusion really is. Is it about the neighbours turning a blind eye? ...

Is it about a mental hospital? That's the only thing I can think of. Anyway I think that if it is indeed about a mental hospital, or whatever it is ...

Hi, I thought that was a very powerful theme, and I liked it! But I don't think it generally works as a monologue as it is, and I'll tell you ...

Thank you for that wondeful review! I will change 'glowy' to 'glowing'. The Tee-hee, the tongue in cheek sexual metaphor and the last line of the whole thing are there ...

I loved it! And I don't think the sturcture is messy because of all the enjambement. It makes you just read on and read on without the structure getting in ...

Thank youuu :D

Smoky hazel eyes, Glowing hazel hair, Fire all the way down to the water. So is it ice or lightning that chills down my spine? Oh well. It's Victoria. Look ...

Wonderful :D The only thing I can say is that the line breaks and the fact that it's all in one stanza is a bit boring. Why don't you see ...

I like it a lot, especially the last stanza, but it's quite vague. Are you trying to say that civilisation confines you from experiening life for real? If so, expand ...

Lovely idea. I don't think the last stanza was necessary all. You can just delete it, because it repeats and that's all. I think you should also delve more deeply ...

I think it's really good. I thought it was about everyone trying to brainwash someone who can't be brainswashed because they have 'woken up'. As that, it works really well ...

I love it! But the only thing I can say is that I didn't feel embrassed for you. I suspected that was the idea even before I read the part ...

Green like gold, shining brightly; Stroking my every pore with your light; Caressing every wall of every vein. Give me your flaxen hair in my hands. Let me wear it ...