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Re: I Love You
"Like selfish vines, thorns that inxtoicate me with," I'd get rid of the "with", and is "inxtoicate" a word? And if it is, does it have to do with suffocating ...
Sep 24, 2008 -
Re: My Frozen Blood
I liked this! I didn't see any crucial grammar or spelling errors, but I have to say, when I first glanced at this, I reeled at the sight of those ...
Sep 24, 2008 -
Re: Cimber
Hi! Welcome to YWS! This was good, there was a lot of feeling in it, even if it's a little misplaced in some parts. I think you should try a ...
Sep 24, 2008 -
Re: This Timely Parade
"On the beach before the piano, the little lass remained." "beach" to "bench" "But look here, don't be fooled by the second hand dress," I would put a colon after ...
Sep 23, 2008 -
Re: Heartbeat
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Sep 23, 2008 -
Re: They Laugh.
And I laughed with them. This was very good. I couldn't say that it was "awkward". This is a poem written with feeling and clarity. Sometimes I thought the meter ...
Sep 22, 2008 -
Re: You
My darling, my dearest, This is you. That last two lines did the trick. There were a few capitalization errors, but other than that, I thought it was good.
Sep 20, 2008 -
Re: Away
This is just a one-time thingy I wrote in the spur of the moment. I read a paper on girls that are abused, so I wrote this in honor of ...
Sep 20, 2008 -
Re: The Tale of Remus Lupin
[quote] It all started on a cold, wet winter night when Remus was only a small boy of 5 (five). He did not understand what was worrying his parents so ...
Sep 11, 2008 -
Re: Well of unsaid things
There is nothing that lies between us Except a well of unsaid things Words which are not permitted to sound Regrets that can never be voiced As the days pass ...
Sep 11, 2008 -
Re: Last Night
And alas, the burning grip of a loyal friend saved me from the ranks of angry brothers, From the guns of Easter and the songs of Winter, from a certain ...
Sep 11, 2008 -
Re: I Am Awake
This was . . . very illuminating. Very dramatic. Very . . . I don't know the right word. Some might say disturbing, but I like how you used this ...
Sep 11, 2008 -
Re: Catch Every Butterfly: Prologue
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Sep 8, 2008 -
Re: Angel
I think this was good, very riveting. But i think you should add on to it, make it more of a story than just a scene. More of this would ...
Sep 4, 2008 -
Re: Despair.
I think that this poem had little--or no--meter. It felt choppy and random on my tongue as I read it. And it felt as though there was little feeling. It ...
Sep 1, 2008
