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:shock: Intimidating paragraphs. Could hardly get through the first few. That's all I have to say.

When Linda was twelve, her parents died in a fire in Chicago. The firemen said it was caused by a toaster that shorted out. I'm not exactly loving the beginning. ...

So there I was thiking as I was about to get ran over by a red truck in the middle of popular Los Angeles, California. First of all, "thinking" is ...

"You're damn right I won't tell...I'll just get even." comma instead of a period after "even" I muttered. What? "comma instead of a period after even"? This was the only ...

Yeah, other might be good. Though, if you revised it to fit the romantic fiction criteria (see top of romantic fiction forum), it could work. Also, and I think this ...

“Look at yourself, Sophia! Since when do you worry about petty curses?” I don't think this sounds like something someone would say to themselves aloud. You could either change what ...

...

It was okay. I think it was a trifle boring. It may be because we, as readers, already know what happened to Will. Perhaps it would help to focus more ...

WAIT! :!: Don't throw this away YET! If you revise it more than twelve times and people still don't like it, then you can throw it into the failure bin. ...

Stabbed me in the back, or the lung, so to say, so that all of my determination, my willpower, is shattered. This is the only flawed part of this piece ...

This was interesting. It started differently than other romances, though the whole "two people meet, hate each other, and slowly fall in love" thing has been around since Jane Austen. ...

I don’t think anyone knows what it feels like to be the mad for a boy. I don't think this sentence correctly or adequately describes the narrator's feelings. Maybe change ...

Also, I accidentally clicked the wrong bubble on your poll. I meant to put that I wasn't really confused, but I got confused in the process and hit the wrong ...

Okay, this was a little confusing. But not overwhelmingly confusing. Just a little confusing. I read the link before I started, but I had to go back and read it ...

My body streaked through the undergrowth like a phantom, leaving no trace that I had ever been there. Lifting my face to the moon, the pearly sheen seeped onto my ...