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Hey, Selene. Can you review these for me? Bare in mind they're part of the same chapter, just in two posts because it's so long. Thanks. ~Sunny

Hey, welcome to YWS. This is really good for one of your first pieces, if I might say. Jusst to be clear bold is a correction, italics is something I ...

Hey, Nic! I'm so excited for this; I'm glad you added those two weeks, and I think this'll turn out great. Now on to the review. My feet crushed leaves ...

Her eyes are like the ocean That she stares into endlessly Didn't get this. She stares into her own eyes? I'm not sure how that's supposed to work. Rewrite: Her ...

Hey, yukisgirl. I hope this helps. We had just got home from the party and Logan was spending a couple of days here. I immediately [s]go[/s] went to my room ...

Ah! New title!! *hyperventilates and grabs a paper bag* The new title is awesome, and it works. Plus, I like the Latin phrase in your sig, it's great! Keep it ...

During the [s]W[/s] w inter of the year 1806, the temperature for the season was frigid and the lakes were frozen solid. Good beginning, though I think you might be ...

Hi, BrokenVain! I'll do my best on this. And don't worry. We don't eat people alive here; we're not canibals. (jk) :lol: I laid my head against the cold desk’s ...

hey Dreamer. I'd appreciate it if you could review these for me: Thanks a bunch. :D ~Sunny

Hey, Nick! I just came back to look at this again, because I really like it. And I read the two comments underneath my first one, and I have to ...

Hey, Ashley. Look, I know I already asked you to review 1.1 and 1.2 of chapter one of my book (by the way, you did great! You caught some things ...

I think everything Ashley pointed out is what I would have too. There weren't many grammatical errors or typos, and I'm not very concerned with the British spelling; that can ...

Hey, ashley! I can't give a really in-depth review right now, I need to do my own nightly writing, but I might come back later and give you one. I ...

“Sorry for being so late, but this is my first day[s], and[/s] . M y schedule is awfully confusing,” he murmured softly in a thick Scottish accent. " And yes, ...

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