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Re: The First Hunger (X-Men Origin)
Personally I think you did well with portraying the emotions of your character, you said just about enough for us to get a glimpse of her feelings. Your plot was ...
Nov 1, 2009 -
Re: Dragon Market: Proluge/Chapter one
You dreamt about dragons? Cool! I usually dream about weird stuff. Anyway here are my honest thoughts on this chapter. I loved your descriptions; you’ve really gone out of your ...
Nov 1, 2009 -
Re: The death of London and the rise of Berlin.(PG-13)
You’ve got some good reviews so far. I’m going to touch on a few things. Firstly it was brave of you to attempt this type of narration but I think ...
Nov 1, 2009 -
Re: Is this a good start to my story?
Hi, welcome to YWS! I think you’ve got a good story so far and a good introduction. I’m interested to see where this story will be going so good job! ...
Nov 1, 2009 -
Re: The start of something good: Lights, Camera and Action!
I absolutely LOVE this! Your writing simply oozes with confidence and it makes brilliant reading. I love your characters and how you present them. Kim is such a refreshing character ...
Nov 1, 2009 -
Re: Of Loss and Love (chp.5) [newly edited]
thank you!
Oct 30, 2009 -
Re: Of Loss and Love (chp.5) [newly edited]
Of Loss and Love: chapter five Love is a friend, a fire, a heaven, a hell, where pleasure, pain, and sad repentance dwell [Richard Barnfield] One long month had passed ...
Oct 29, 2009 -
Re: The Vampires Story Prolouge
Thanks for reviewing my story, now it’s my turn! :D I like it, I really do. You set the beginning out really well because I want to read more. Everything ...
Oct 29, 2009 -
Re: A land away from home
Hey there! Here are a few things I’ve come up with. Firstly, I think you mention the word “master” a few too many times in your first few sentences, take ...
Oct 29, 2009 -
Re: Maurie and the Poison Ring Ch.1: Maurie's Unfortunate Story
Hello, welcome to YWS! Firstly, I think you need to work on your first sentence. Instead of saying: “When I walked home from middle school I would think it would ...
Oct 29, 2009 -
Re: Of Loss and Love (chp.4) [newly edited]
Thank you!
Oct 26, 2009 -
Re: Of Loss and Love (chp.3) [newly edited]
Thank you!
Oct 26, 2009 -
Re: Of Loss and Love (chp.2) [newly edited]
Thank you!
Oct 26, 2009 -
Re: Of Loss and Love (chp.1) [newly edited]
Thanks for the advice. I'm finding the description really difficult so I'm not surprised a lot of people of picked up on it. Anyway I'll go through the chapters and ...
Oct 25, 2009 -
Re: Of Loss and Love (chp.1) [newly edited]
Great, lol! I was wondering why you seemed confused!
Oct 24, 2009
