Young Writers Society

haven't talked about it here but I lost my mare Tess in May from cancer and miss her a lot. she was only 11. they can live to be 30. I still haven't 'gotten over' losing her. it was literally like losing a chunk of myself. we taught each other so much and I wouldn't be who I am today without her. cancer sucks. this year has sucked so far but hoping for a happy ending. my old horse still looks for her sometimes and it's horrible. I almost lost him earlier this year to colic and he's 28 and too old to go through all this.

I've now got a new resident on the property who doesn't belong to me and I'm lending from a friend. she's a pinto mare with emotional baggage and bad behavior who nobody else wanted so here we are. she's growing on me. I didn't like the idea at first but she needed someone who wasn't gonna give up on her like everyone else had. Tess taught me to be brave and tough and gritty. Bella is teaching me patience and self control. she's very gentle and sensitive and needs a kind but firm hand. definitely learned some sort of unsafe behavior for a 900lb animal but we're working on it and she's coming around. I think she's healing my heart a little as she's so sweet and lovey despite her bratty awful moments lol.

a whole lot of my life revolves around my horses but horse talk isn't really relevant here. I'm part of a couple other forums geared towards horse people and have some friends there so it's all good

so yeah little life update and one of the reasons I've been on a lot more recently. the company helps. my friend also has a bf now and that's not changed things much but that was a huge thing for me to get used to as she waited till college to start to get to know people (good move she was a crazy teen haha). that's cool and all but third wheeling is kinda sad sometimes and that combined with losing my horse has led to some emotional confusion so yea fun times. I miss all my old amigos on yws so came back. I've had to take a break few times from social media when things happen that make me kind of angry but everybody's got to do that once in awhile. I definitely care a lot about certain issues but for the most part none of it's really worth arguing with the person on the internet over and it's better to just take a break.

at the end of the day a lot of this was a wake up call to work on myself and join a Bible study and remember to work on my relationship with the Lord instead of just being a kid and screwing around. I've grown but it's bittersweet, mostly just unfun things. what doesn't kill you makes you stronger but I still wish there was some other way for all these life lessons to happen that didn't involve so much hurt. being an adult is kinda just bad sometimes.

when people ask why I don't drink it's because I'm literally the poster child for dependency. anger issues. high stress job. anxiety. burnout. exhaustion. some sensory things and social things that lean a little towards the spectrum but who knows. my default defense mechanism is aggression and that's not a great thing. I refuse to accept any of that as an excuse and nobody should either. I'll be darned if I mooch around and let my personal struggles dictate my existence. been to some not so great places and it's not fun and I don't wanna go back there.

dumb jokes are also a way of venting sry if they're too corny haha. memes are funny and if I think of something that makes my grumpy self laugh then I repeat it.

sry this kinda got long but felt good to vent a little.

TL;DR: 2023 been hard cried a lot but I'm still here vibin still so that counts.