Thorns & Roses [5]

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Yay another chapter. This one's a little rocky, as you said. But I really liked it, especially the cucumber thing. That's soooo cute. haha.

“You,” he pointed. “Should have at least said thank you to me.”

You don't need to break this into two sentences.

Yeah, so my enemy was nice enough to give me a ride and I didn’t even say thanks but in my defense, it was extremely hard to do that, and I’m not sure why. Pride maybe...

I like the sarcasm and talking to herself kind of thing, but the first part is a bit wordy. Maybe Okay, so my enemy was nice enough to give me a ride to school. Big deal. Saying thanks to someone like him is extremely hard to do. I'm not sure why. Pride maybe... what do you think?

“Reality?”
“Ditto,”

I don't really understand why he says ditto.

Oh my god, what was I thinking?

What is she thinking?

My eyes widened, what was this guy thinking?

I think you should put 'this guy' in italics since you used the phrase before and would be funny.

“For all I know, you never help anyone out.”

I think this should be 'as far as I know...'



~~~
Ugh, why so short? Haha.
Overall, not too shabby. You're going from scene to scene a little fast, she isn't really living her life in between, you know? There's no going to bed, getting ready for school, bumping into her father, that sort of thing. And I think you should elaborate more on her mother's running away later on, and how it has affected her life and maybe the cause for her fighting...dunno...
I guess you just need to write more. Haha. good luck

OH! Jayleigh got here before me! LOL

A few typos...

My only ‘girl friend’ that accepted me they way I was.

The?

I unmated the TV and drowned myself in the music that was playing on screen, slowly falling asleep.

Unmuted?

LOL. That's all although I wholly agree with what Jayleigh wrote. For the rest, i really enjoyed. I can't wait to see where it's all going, especially with Kevin and Nick. I know if would be really cliché is she ends up with Nick and that some people are against cliches but I'm definitely fine with it. Keep up the writing, pink!

Tanya

Ahaha thanks guys. I can always count on you two for reviews.
Um I've thought about the Kevin and Nick thing a lot. So to avoid cliche's I've decided something. When Vicks says she's just friends with Kevin...she is. There will not be any 'romance/jealousy' between those two. Instead I'm going to keep Vick x Nick because I feel I have a lot options with Nick, since he's sort of mysterious. If I want to change something, it'll be easier to change with Nick than with Kevin.
Just keep your heads up, I'm going to surprise you all! Just watch!
Thanks again!

~Pink

Pink, you always deliver, I love reading everything you do, Thorns & Roses, Keepers. I just love it all!! Bravo!
I can't wait for the next thorns and roses, I really want Vick's and Nick to share a lil romance, their perfect for each other. So different, yet totally the same.
I agree with you on how it's a Lil bumpy, and I know why.
How you introduced Carla into the story, was a little choppy, and I know you can do better, because you are an amazing writer. Maybe you felt rushed, or didn't know how to introduce a girl-friend this far into a story without having to go back. Whatever it was, it's really OK, I loved the story so much that I'll ignore that little fact.
Anyways, I love this, please please please, write another chapter I am hooked!

Hmm, okay people have done the nit-picks already, so lets talk about the basics.

everything (I am just throwing my thoughts into one area. sorry.)

So, I don't really like the chapter. I mean, as a whole, I love your story. It is fabulous. But, the chapter itself is all over the place.
You introduce a new character, her friend, and I have no idea why, for one. And two, you don't really tell us anything about her. And then you go and mention something about Vicks mother again. I really want to know about this. And I hope you introduce it while she is talking to Nick, that would be nice. haha. But, don't leave the myster of her mother going too long, or else I might get annoyed. (not that you should care if I do, just saying that others might, too, you know?)

Sorry for all the negative. The positive. Well, I like Nick. He is cocky, but I like him at the same time. He is just the kind of character you need to set Vicks' character on fire! haha


So, good luck. I am sorry I have nothing more to say, really. Your story is absolutely beautiful, though I hope you consider when I pointed out. Adios!!

Thank you Classy. That's just the thing I was looking for!
I'm going to go edit this chapter now. I realize that what you said is probably true.
And about her mom, that'll be explained in the next chapter or something.

Pink <3
This story is addictive! -laughs- I hope more comes out soon.
They seem to have covered it all, I just wanted to show a lil support, I love this. Lol, promise me the next comes out soon.
I just wish they were longer!!!
Anywho, thats all, Keep Writing
~Shaard

Really good story dont rush through the scenes. Give detail and defenitly persue something with Nick. WOW your amazing!! Dont ever doubt your self you have major talent. Keep wrighting even though it may come out wrough a couple of times push through. Dont ever give up.

I loved it. I disagree with everyone else; I really didn't think it was all over the place. You made it so easy to relate to. Victoria kind of reminds me of my character, Molly. They both seem to be the kid in the back who gets picked last for dodgeball. Yet, she is your character and that might not be the case. I'm looking forward to the next chapter

Hey

I've just been reading all your chapters and i am really enjoying it. I like how we don't know what's going to happen and as this is posted in romantic fiction i really wanna know what romance is going to bloom

please PM me when u put the next bit up

x

Hey!


Your chapter was EVERYWHERE in this chapter. It was bouncing off the walls and everything. Not to sound harsh or anything but it wasn't as good as the others. It didn't have that flow your others have.
Just work at it and it will get better.


-Charlotte Grace